It’s a well known fact that more breakups happen in the New Year than at any other time.
The New Year causes you to take a look at life. What have you achieved, what do you want to do… are you still happy?
It’s time to consider promises to yourself. Suddenly, the need for decision begins to press heavily on both your conscience and your self-esteem.
It’s easy to think that love is the only thing that matters. In reality, love on its own isn’t enough. When you’re with someone for a long time, love changes shape. Sometimes, that can cause confusion. How do you adjust short term enthusiasm to fit long term happiness?
The answer lies within yourself. When you know the essential qualities needed for you to be happy, the decision about whether to stay and work at the relationship or say goodbye becomes very clear. Sometimes, just one or two qualities (or values) can override everything else.
Leaving isn’t always the answer.
For example, I once worked with a man who wanted to ask his wife for a divorce. During coaching, he realised that he loved his wife. In unscrambling his love for his wife and the relationship that they’d created, he saw that it wasn’t his wife that he wanted to leave. It was the relationship he wanted to escape from.
He could then identify the relationship qualities that would deliver what mattered to him. (This differs from person to person – for some, security will be the optimum quality/value, for others it could be they way they look after each other or how they work towards a shared vision, for example.)
Once he’d established that information, he could see that there were significant changes he could make to improve his marriage. Making the decision as to whether he would work at it wholeheartedly, continue as things were, or leave was then the hard part. Watching him make a commitment to himself to do his best was very moving.
It doesn’t always work out that way. Sometimes, we simply need to admit that it’s time to move on. Understanding why the relationship wasn’t working can save months of emotional turmoil. And when we feel ready to embark on a new relationship, knowing what we really need makes finding happiness much easier.
An end of something also means a new beginning. Whether that means you use 2020 to strengthen what you have or embark on a completely fresh start, understanding your personal recipe for relationship success will make the future feel much brighter.